Ancient scriptures written 10,000 years before the planning for the birth of Nostradamus prophesied the birth of a super-anti-hero near the end times. He is described as short, cute, yellow-skinned dude with funny hair who would randomly hurl insults to passers-by in a town called Springfield. This curious confusion of a guy between the messiah and the 11,000-B.C. equivalent of the concept of antichrist would revolutionize the world in a way never before conceived. The writings (or cave drawings, for that matter), further elaborated that the yellow messiah’s initials would be B.S. His birth name would be “Bull Shit” but he would use “Bart Simpson” as his “pen name” (television screens were not invented back in 11,000 BC, FTW). Soon after the appearance of Bart Simpson, the world would come to an end in the year 2012 A.D., albeit only in a parallel universe called “Cinema”.
So my humble interpretation is that all these prophecies have already come true. Bart Simpson has appeared, the world has gone through a glorious revolution of ignorance, and has successfully come to an end at the hands of Ronald Emmerich. And so comes the Age of Aquarius! The Age of Aquarius is described as a utopian era of enlightenment and a global awakening of human consciousness. Nobody can deny the role of Bart Simpson in ushering this glorious age. After the 2012 ethnic cleansing of scum-of-the-earth, the entire mankind went “D’oh” in unison and a heavenly light downloaded the heavenly scriptures to human consciousness in binary form. Human race quickly realized that knowledge was redundant, ignorance was cool, violence was even more fun than ever before, and Bart Simpson was God. Oh, and Homer Simpson was the father of God. Holy d’oh!
In this super-cool new age of human evolution, mass media was seen as the Logos of Bart Simpson and was not to be questioned in any way. Questioning the authority was super cool and to be encouraged, but to question the mass media and the coolness of ignorance was original sin and would result in eternal damnation in the form of the wrath of Bart Simpson; namely “Eric Cartman”.
The human race would rapidly evolve to perfection, and baggage of the Dork Ages would be enthusiastically destroyed by the newly barptized apostles with funny hairdos. This would include the biggest source of ancient dork-hood called “books”. Bart Simpson’s holy chariots of ignorance and confusion would ride across the world at the speed of light. The holy chariots would be called “Idiot Box” and “World Wide Web”, and spread the glorious messages of gossip, entertainment, hearsay and quasi-intellectualism. The curse of knowledge and dork-hood would be totally eliminated.
This is a world where Springfield is the only civilized place in the world, operating on the ideals of ignorance and Bull-Shitism (read: Bart Simpsonism). Either you’re with Bart Simpson, or you aren’t. If you aren’t, then get ready to be anal-probed by Eric Cartman. Respect, my ass! (Literally!)
Ideals of neo-Springfield are formulated on the basis of freedom of thought and expression, as long as it in line with Bart Simpson. If not, wait for Eric Cartman. D’oh!
What a beautiful world Bart Simpson has given us! I propose a Bart Simpson statue of skyscraper proportions to be erected in the centre of every city and town of the global village called neo-Springfield. Oh, and middle finger should be the most prominent feature!